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Love on My Terms

I woke up this morning feeling inspired. As the many ideas of creating ran through my head, so did a person. Yesterday I made a video about how romantic connections give me the most awareness of myself. This morning, it would seem the thought is still expanding.

When I thought of my friend (and we are just friends) a song began to play in my head. Raheem DeVaughn - "Believe". It was a specific part.

"I ain't like most men.... Noooo.... I ain't like those others you done dealt with in your past. Have some faith. That's all I ask. Believe in me."

The verse was on repeat. I know that I will get a download via a song so the fact it was playing over and over stuck out to me. I know the song itself but it wouldn't continue past this part.

I see so many posts that generalize the experience of love. Women should be this. Men should be that. Blah, blah, blah. You get caught up in what society wants you to believe you should want, that you can't see what's there. or you see it , but have no idea how to engage with it as your authentic self.

I use to be more of the latter. The mental chatter:

"Am I too far in my masculine energy?"

"If I do this, will he not see me as feminine?"

"What if?"

"Should I"

"What if he doesn't?"

Chatter. Chatter. Chatter.

How do you even begin to simply delight in the experience of connection when you have that noise going on in the background?

Don't get me started on the sun signs and love. LOL. You think you're beefing with her Sun in Pisces when the issue is actually their Mars Retrograde in Capricorn.

So much noise. Men saying, "I'm a "masculine" man" as if that's some badge of honor. All I hear is that your song only has one note. You don't believe you have layers or dimensions. That's no fun for me.

This started with me wanting to say "good morning". Ludicrous right? Yet, I found myself in the noise. The great thing about a spiritual practice is that when my human self is feeling less than Divine, my goddess self kicks in and helps me sift through the noise.

Things that I know about myself:

  • Settling is not an option. I can not go back to that. Ever.

  • I love. Period. It's who I am. It's how I am designed. There is a bigger purpose to how my heart shares love than me.

  • Time is a construct.

  • My deeper over standing is that the more I focus on the things I don't want the faster those things manifest in my life.

  • I release the need for my love to be limited to only one great love in my lifetime. If I believed that, I've already had it. I'd be destined to never have it again.

  • So many people forget that God/dess is living through us to experience things. It's about the journey. It's about the love. How it plays out ultimately, I'm detaching. I simply want to delight in love.

  • Full grown conversations with me happen verbally. Texts are for check-ins. Not to talk. Talking is to talk. I prefer that.

  • Love is patient. I'm learning that more and more.

  • I'm going to text good morning. I'm going to text good night. I enjoy doing it. It feels good. I love receiving those in return.

  • I goofy smile when someone special texts me.

  • Exposing me to new things is absolutely a bonus love language.

  • If you are interested in my life, my hopes, my dreams.... huge. I'm interested in yours.

  • It's the little things. Drive by hugs and kisses are so special. I understand life can get busy, so when you make it a point to say, "You are in my life."... even just that quick moment means a lot. I appreciate it.

It makes me feel good to be open to the possibility of love despite the sadness I've lived through. The fact is though I LIVED. I Learned. My heart isn't broken and neither am I. I'm whole unto myself.

I'll end this with a letter to my Divine Counterpart, whomever they may be

My Love,

As a goddess, it gives me great pleasure to have found this treasure

in you

This god

This divine being who is so confident in his own being

Unafraid to be all that he is and this gives me the freedom, the safety

To be unabashedly me

No airs. No pretense.

Any notions of what was are now past tense

In between all the things I must do

I still find quiet moments, to contemplate you

Your eyes mesmerize me

Your presence brings tranquility

I feel safe in your masculinity and nurtured when in your feminine energy

Your caring for my good health and my mental wealth

fills me intimately

Standing tall in all you hope

All that you are, is still good enough for me

Tracing lines in the sand

A smile forms at your command

Submission not your mission

Co-creating life, as your wife is the true intention

Loving, laughing, and all life is meant to be

I look forward to creating hopes and dreams

When this desire

Becomes reality

See you soon

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