It's a little before 2am on a Monday and I'm on my couch typing. I woke up from a dream and now my mind is whirling. Don't think I'm going to be able to sleep until I get it all out. Maybe there's a message for someone in this.
Yesterday, I did a thing. I'll confirm what it was specifically once I have something on hand. However, the choice to do the thing did not come lightly. It requires me to face a long standing fear that I have had for, as long as I can remember honestly. Yesterday, I had to look that fear in the eye. Will I continue? Can I do this? I listened to the souls that were also on this journey to answer a call and I was moved by their strength. Many spoke of being visited by loved ones just before transitioning or just as it happened. I don't have a memory of anyone biological visiting me. I do have one though. I didn't hit me until later.
Yeah that's right. Chadwick Boseman came to me the night he transitioned. Just as clear as I'm looking at these words he showed up in my dream. I was lucid and I knew that he was gone. He asked me if I had anything to say to him because he wouldn't be there long. He had to move on. That phrasing hits so differently now. I have not watched a single thing he's been in since he passed. Nothing. Not even Black Panther. Maybe I will today.
My spiritual journey....awakening (life is a journey for everyone even if you don't know it) has required me to sit and really feel my personal philosophy. Like feel it in my bones and know that it is my personal truth. There area always challenges. Always things a long the way to test my resiliency.
Yesterday was work on all levels for me, mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional. I did this work sitting on my floor. I don't have carpet so my floor has no padding. I'm basically sitting on decorated concrete. It's cold. It's hard. Moments I wanted to lie down as my Iyalode was teaching but I sat. Learned. Listened. And was thankful to once again be in a space to learn from her. As a result, I have an additional skill. Well.. I believe it was always there and I didn't understand or know what to do with it. It was something in me. Now, it is something I can work with to be of service to others and I'm very thankful.
There are things I need to do. Rituals I need to add to my practice that I do, but not daily. Skills I have that I haven't really used to their full extent. Reiki Services will be coming in 2022. Bare with me as I work on how that is going to look on my schedule, but I know that it is time.
I didn't think I was going to write this but apparently reading an Instagram post from my godsibling really struck me. I think I have been feeling it for a minute. If you listen to my podcast you will know that initiation wasn't on my radar like that. Being a devotee maybe, but because I have a strong affinity to multiple paths and disciplines, I wasn't sure if I wanted to initiate into anything specifically. Three times yesterday I got the confirmation that it's my purpose to learn multiple paths and make them my own.
That being said I did initiate. I chose to not only study the practice of Ifa but my Elder Mother showed up in my life and made it concrete. My Nigerian blood line spoke loudly to me. I'm still Hebrew. Much like being Hebrew is not a religion but a culture, a people. Ifa, for me personally, is a spiritual science not a religion. However, in the context of my own rites I am Crowned. Which means, I have been going through training (it doesn't stop), I went to the mat and I received my guardian (I have no "head" Orisha beyond my Head) Orishas (or at least the ones at that time), both hands of Ifa and Iyaami Osuranga.
Iya in Yoruba means mother. It is also my title. I am an Iya. I am still Daniyah to my friends, like we talk, we hang, friends; and family. I stopped using Dee a year ago now. If we are not friends, you don't know me personally, etc., Iya Daniyah is appropriate. If you are an Ifa, Isese, Lecumi, etc. practitioner or simply a devotee (Depending on the tradition you may have your elekes, warriors, etc.) at any level, Iya Daniyah is appropriate.
I worked really hard to get to this place. My work didn't start at my awakening. It was ongoing through my life. My awakening simply made me aware of the work that I had already been doing. It's kind of like receiving your doctorate. You may not really care (some might) if your friends and family call you Dr... on a daily basis. If you have a rapport with someone it just may not be that important. However, as far as others are concerned, you are Dr... You put time and work into achieving that level in your life and it should be honored.
It's almost the end of 2022. As I look on my feed what I see is growth and shifts happening. It's a really beautiful thing to see as people are reprioritizing their life in ways that makes them feel good. What woke me up this morning was a dream. Within the dream there was a regime change at work. Whatever this change in leadership was bringing about, certain types of people just weren't going to work on. I can remember me moving throughout the building. Folks saying where are you going. One person saying, you know that if you go they will... I was like they already are, I might as well go on my terms.
It felt like I was making an escape. That was the emotion I could feel at the time. Escape. I can remember thinking what I am going to do but also thinking I gotta go. I can't say here.
So by the end up outside. This felt like an amazing feat. It was beautiful out. There was the fence all around the perimeter. I ran across a couple of brothers and I was like, can you help me jump over this fence. One agreed. I am grinning because something about me was pleasing to him and it was obvious.
What I remember was feeling like there just wasn't a spot safe enough for me to jump over. On the other side of the fence was land but it was basically a cliff. Like once I get over there than what.
I know, generally speaking without sitting and fully diving in, what that means to me. However, from a collective standpoint I feel like it's a question. You know it's time. You know it's time for you to make a move. You know it's time for you to answer the call. You know that whatever you are doing today does not fuel your passion or light your fire. You aren't feeling fulfilled. It goes beyond the money. Yes, in this life, realm, dimension, whatever; we need money to acquire the things we want, need and desire. However, how you do that shouldn't have to mean a degradation in your quality of life.
This isn't to say everyone should have their own business. It is in some of us to work for someone else. That is what our soul wants us to do. Some of us are meant for corporate, fast food, whatever kinds of careers. That is our path. There is no right or wrong in that. However, even in that, there should be a feeling of fulfillment as you do the work. There should be a feeling that you are in the right place, space, career, what have you, as you do the work. Whatever you do, you should feel the value in it and be valued for doing it. And understand that what that "it" is my change. This is when we start that looking for something else because we have outgrown where we are. You know the feeling. We've all had it.
What I'm saying is, sometimes there really isn't the ideal time in your human mind to make a move. Sometimes we can't see what ideal is because we are looking through the lens of our human self when our Divine Self, the part of us still connected to the Most High, can still see in a non-linear fashion. Our Higher Self (not better, simply more elevated in experience and energy) can see all paths of our existence. Time doesn't exist in spirit so Spirit can show see all ways to the finish line. Our Higher Self, that intuitive nudge, that Divine inspiration, simply wants us to take the easiest road.
And I know some people still have an aversion to the word, "easy" and that's ok. Some still have an attachment to learning through lack of sleep, trauma, heart ache, and the like. And that is their choice. Again there is no good or bad, right or wrong. It simply is. However, if there is any part of you that feels like maybe there is another way. Maybe what society has said to me isn't the only way. Maybe what I've been taught is limited and I know that God is unlimited. Within being unlimited that means there are unlimited possibilities, pathways, and methods for me to achieve this goal. And maybe if I simply ask to be aligned with the path of ease... I'll stop having to learn through pain and anguish. Maybe I can learn through joy, bliss, ecstacy, and pleasure.
I know some of you are thinking, we have to experience trauma. We already did. The moment we were pushed, shoved, forced, etc. out of our mother. That is traumatic. Then we are slapped, poked, prodded by all of these different people and energies. We grow up. We are told don't do that, you can't do that. We have already experienced the trauma. We have gone through the hard. Why do we have to attach to even more of it?
There's this sweet spot in my mind where all I cared about was being a powerful witch with a really cool house that gave out really amazing candy on Halloween. Where I am a teacher. Where I am just... being me. I have those moments more these days. Just being me. Where I am simply allowing whatever I am feeling as natural in the moment to come forth. In that space, in that moment, I am closer to God and fully bodying my purpose.
My truth...the truth that I'm working to get to? I am a stay at home mom. I have many children, which is already true depending on how you define children. There are plenty of people in my life that I have mothered. Some even call me mom, and they are not my sons.
I'm a stay at home mom that does work a business that she loves. I teach by doing, by living, by sharing what I'm doing and how I'm living. I divine when called. I make my own schedule, my own routine, my own rules. I am sovereign in my domain. I am the Emperor you could say. I am goddess. I am love and blissful abundance. I am in the frequency of harmony between my Earthly self and my Spirt self. One is not better than the other. I live as both and move through them as needed. I shine. I shine brightly. Even if you yourself have not found your light to shine, I will shine for you. I will shine that way you know it's possible for you to shine in whatever your heart and soul calls you to do.
Oh and stay at home mom is with a companion. A divine counterpart. A partner. I'm not going to say husband because that limits what possibilities God has for me. I just know that He has someone for me. She is cultivating this harmonious relationship. I know because in all of my relationships I have seen the blessings of the traits that I love in my love. More and more of them showing themselves to me. I'm turning the dial to the right frequency. Slow and steady. Not rushing or else I might go past it and have to start over again.
Such are all things in my life these days. Bit by bit, tuning myself to the right frequency so that I can be in alignment with the life and love and experiences that I keep seeing glimpses of around me.
I guess I'm closing with my relationship with the Most High. Before, I was afraid. I lived afraid to make mistakes. If I did the wrong thing, I would be punished. That was how God was introduced to me. God was separate from me. Sitting somewhere on a cloud waiting to judge me for me doing something wrong. Irony is that my name means "God is my judge". However, the interpretation of that was limited.
Now, it means.. stop being so hard on yourself. Stop judging yourself. Stop worrying about if others judge you. I'm not judging you. I'm reminding you that within you lies The Most High. I am within you. I am within all of you. If only you would stop taking things so literally. I can't speak to you, literally, directly. Not speak in the way you speak to each other. I have intercessors for that. To whisper, because I don't whisper. This way you hear what I want to say to you. I say to you that I am not judging you. You are judging you and you are judging each other. Stop. Simply stop. It ain't that serious as you say.
At the end of the day I simply want you to be, happy. I want you to learn and grow and be happy in your being. In your existing. I am existing through you. I can see so much through your experiences. It's ok to stray. I want you to stray. I want you to find your own way back to me. I want you to decide for you who I am to you. It's ok if it's not the same. I don't want it to be. What's the fun in that? Just be. Be you. That's all I want.
That's what God/dess feels like for me now. If you ask me how much of the above was me, I can't say. I stopped feeling like writing as me for a moment. Simply take it how it resonates. I told someone recently that the Creator of worlds didn't do semantics. Did we honestly believe that it is not by design for there to be a multitude of ways, means, thoughts, and ideas on who God is. No one can know all of God because God is limitless. You can live a million life times and still learn something new in a million and 1. That's ok. It's no accident the Creator all we know exists has multiple names. That is by design. It simply adds more color to the tapestry of Creation. Once you stop judging and start listening, you will realize that everyone is trying to get to the same place.
And I am going to add this. Every black person won't have a moment where they go back home. When I say that, I mean, every black person won't discover their African traditions and except them. For some, this is their soul's choice. They decided that in this life they wanted to be whatever religion they chose. There is no right or wrong in that. It is a choice, just like it was your choice to move away from religion (or at least Abrahamic ones).
With that said, for those wondering well why. We were of God, with God, loving God, long before we were colonized. To not see that is to believe what the conquerors drilled into us in captivity. From a non-religious or spiritual standpoint, it makes absolutely no common sense to retain the practices of your captors. There are stories within the Bible where the Israelites were like, "Conquer me all you like, what we not going to do is change our beliefs about ourselves." Yet... that is exactly what has happened to black people. In a way that is almost incomprehensible when you look at almost EVERY other group of people on this planet. They all, even if they have adopted an Abrahamic practice, still have touches of their traditional roots. You go to the nail salon and they have the Christmas tree but somewhere you will see their shrine for their business.
We don't judge them for it. Let that salon be black owned with their ancestors protecting their business and now there is an uproar.
Just as you should not be judged for maintaining the faith that feels good to you, you should not look upon your brethren with disdain for going back home. That is the goal for most people that are captured, conquered, raped, murdered,... to go back. To regain their own practices. God gave you a brain and intuition. Discernment. And discernment does have some logic to it. Is it logical to think that the people that conquered you would tell you the truth about who you are, what you practiced, and what you believed God to be?
The best way to conquer a people is take away the power. They took away your ability to communicate when they mixed tribes together. They took away your families. They took away your land, They banned you from praying and worshiping together, so they took away your God. Then they repackaged your practices. Took what they wanted you to know about yourself and force fed you until you had no choice but to eat it.
Some, found ways to hide their faith right in the face of their colonizers. Santeria inside of Catholicism is a great example of that. Saints that are also Orisha. And not obvious correlations either. It's really quite ingenious when you start to dig into it.
What's even more insidious is that they took the aspects they told your ancestors not to use, and used them for themselves. They found all of that inner God energy that they told us we were separated from and used it. Quite masterfully at that.
So, on both sides, maybe dialogue with each other. Why do you do what you do? You may realize that you have so much more in common than the powers that be in this world want you to believe. It's simply another tool to keep tribes from coming back together. That's all. Just another means of division.
Ok it's now 3am. I have to sleep at some point and now I feel somewhat relax. If you made it this far- Thank you for being up with me. LOL. Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts. Share this with a friend. Maybe there is something in it for someone you know.
Have a beautiful Monday!