I picked up my laptop around 6:06 am. I had been in bed just reading and reflecting on things and people in my life. Then this video I saw where a man says that if the man has a vision he isn't going to have time for his mate. If he is working on a vision he may not be there for his partner.
I'll be honest, there was a part of me that got it. As I've been doing more heart work and acknowledging personal truths about myself, I'm growing more and more aware that this may not resonate with me as much as I thought it did.
Oh, I know it looks like to be a workaholic, constantly giving but not pouring back into myself. I know what it looks like to have time for duty and no time for self, no time for others, no time to experience all the richness of life.
Harmony and Balance - those are the laws of nature. There is an ebb and flow in nature. A time of work and then rest & play. Still, humans are still relearning (we knew it one point) how to live more according to the natural rhythm of nature instead of against it.
I see people I love and care for feeling not as healthly as they could be. Learning more and more that their bodies is asking something of them, yet their mind will not allow them to listen. The body is saying, "I need sleep now." The mind is saying, "If I don't do this now I'll fail. I won't be successful. Something won't be."
A couple of thoughts about this -
How many times prior to this impending crash did your body try to tell you to sit down and rest?
How many times did something cross your path to say it was time to relax and play?
How much self care did you put off?
How many engagements with people you care about did you cancel?
By the time you get to the "crash" you've been ignoring all the whispers. You've been ignoring the crescendo of alarm bells. Now there is a full on siren in your body that you can no longer ignore.
The fact that when you have the 'time" and don't know what to do with it shows how backwards we have things. People (I started to say we, but I'm not living this way anymore :) ) get time and get ansy. "OMG. I'm forgetting something." "I'm missing this." "What if?"
Your energy is not in balance at that point. You are operating at the lower vibrations of both masculine and feminine energy. Feminine energy doesn't exist in time so it is existing in a perpetual state of all timelines. Thus the, "forgetting something" and "wondering about the future" overthinking begins. The inability to actual accept the moment of stillness is the masculine energy fighting for supremacy. It doesn't do still. It acts. Rather than allow itself to flow back to a resting state of feminine bliss, it fights to hold on to the structure and predictability of the masculine state. Neither energy is in balance and this is when we start to get that fidgety feeling and monkey mind.
I look at myself and it's wild to me. I thought I was living before. And in some respects I was. Still, I worked so much I missed out on things I would have enjoyed doing. When I became a parent, this became even more prevalent. I did not know how to ensure that the woman still existed in harmony with the mother, the partner, the leader, the friend. Somewhere in there the woman got lost and she was screaming to be set free.
I see reflecting back to me, the part of me that fears not doing work. I'm still working with releasing that my moments of stillness, companionship, and play are all part of me being a whole Being vs a human DOING. I'm releasing the notion that balance can't include those things and I still be successful.
In preparing for writing my Self Love course I did one of the exercises that speaks on values. What are my values? What I realized that success, ambition, etc. is the last of my core 10 values. LAST. Being someone that worked so hard to get promotions and whatnot, this surprised me. However, when I looked at everything else that was important to my being, if I had to choose between it and something else, it was always second. Thus it ended up being last. Connections and Freedom even came before me being of Service. Experiences of joy, pleasure, bliss, oneness with Spirit; all of these were tantamount to allowing me to have the energy to be of service and thus successful.
Let's talk about being of Service vs being a Servant. When you look at the synonyms for servant you find words like: flunk, lackey, menial, steward
I don't know about you, but I am none of those things. Lately I have been looking up words and their actual meanings. Being more cognizant of the words I'm invoking in my life. I hear people say "Servant Leader" and I wonder,
Are you leading servants? or Are you the leading servant?
I feel like "Service Leader" may be a better fit, simply based on what people are saying around that phrase.
Being of service does not put you at the beck and call of others. The latter makes you a servant. If you are leading a life of service it should not put you in a perpetual state of servitude. Your vessel must be overflowing when you are giving, or you will begin to drain your well.
This is also true of your dreams and hopes, your destiny. When you are operating in alignment with the Divine plan, you are in flow. Meaning the work ebbs and flows. Sometimes you are head down, the rest you are resting and playing. I mention resting and playing because these are two separate actions. Both are part of the harmony in your life.
There is a constant in the stories of creation. The Most High rested, and/or delegated tasks which in turn lightened the load. The Creator, created support, community, and opportunities to be hands off and KNOW that it gets done.
Thus, as humans being Divine aspects of The Most High - we have the blue print. Co-creating a life with support and community so we can be hands off and know IT WILL BE DONE. The success is already yours. It already exists. Whether you see it or not. The Creator gave us a physical vessel to REMIND US when when are in and out of alignment. We have this body to experience life and it has alarms bells encoded that let us know when that life experience is out of harmony of the natural rhythm of nature.
When we listen to our bodies, which I'm learning to do more consistently, we put ourselves back in rhythm. That's why when you take a vacation and come back to it, assuming what you are coming back to is in alignment, you feel reenergized and ready to go. It is also why, if you come back and the feeling of dread is through your being - it's likely time for you to plan an exit strategy.
So how do you get back into harmony. Things I've been doing:
I can not pour from an empty cup. If I'm exhausted I sleep. I rest
If my mental state is such where I can't focus - that I step away.
I looked at my core values. I'm going to put them on something so I can see them daily. Then recite them. When I am making a decision, I'll refer to them.
I play. I look for moments, even if they are small, to just be silly and play. This can be alone or with friends.
If I haven't hung out with friends in awhile, I try to connect. Even if it's just to pull up and talk and laugh for a few minutes. The time is worth it for my spirit.
I intentionally connect to my spiritual practice daily. Even if I don't get up on time and I'm running late, I come back to my sacred space and make time to simply connect.
If my body is doing something real crazy, I pay attention. I ask questions as to why this sensation or feeling is happening.
I grab quiet and stillness. Even if not daily, I grab it. I will drive with my radio off to just get that quiet and stillness in my day. The car is actually where I've gotten a significant amount of content and clarity lately.
These are just examples, at the end of the day find what works for you. The success will be there. The Divine wants you to experience the joy associated with it though. Not exhaustion. Not disconnect. Those things are of ego and not in alignment with how we are designed. Go back to nature.
I recorded a follow up to this on my podcast around the whole relationship thing. You can listen to it here.